Difficult People · Hypnosis session
How to Deal with a Narcissist in Your Family or at Work
You mention your news, and a minute later you are hearing about their week, their stress, and something you did wrong at Christmas. You can’t change them. This page gives you free steps for the conversations you can’t avoid, and a guided session: a set, repeatable time to relax and rehearse them.
If it is a partner, an ex or someone you live withand they frighten you, control who you see, check your phone, isolate you or hurt you, that is abuse, whatever label fits them. 1800RESPECT lists gaslighting and coercive control as abuse, and in NSW coercive control of a current or former intimate partner has been a crime since 1 July 2024. This site does not sell a recording for that situation.
- 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732, or text 0458 737 732, 24/7. In danger, call 000.
- Worried it might be you? The Men’s Referral Service is 1300 766 491, 24/7.
- A boss or colleague, again and again? The Fair Work Commission can order bullying to stop (not award compensation). Your state safety regulator, union, EAP or GP can help too.
- Low for weeks? A GP can refer you under Medicare’s Better Access. Lifeline 13 11 14, Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636, any hour. Relationships Australia, 1300 364 277, counsels families.
Dealing with the Narcissist
Twenty-five minutes of guided relaxation and rehearsal for staying detached around someone self-centred and blaming, and a regular time to practise the free steps on this page. Free preview, 90-day refund.
US$18.95one-off · no subscription · about A$27
I earn a commission if you buy through this page. It doesn’t change what you pay, and it doesn’t decide what I recommend.
Checkout opens on hypnosisdownloads.com in a new tab. Priced in US dollars; some cards add a foreign-transaction fee. Ninety days to change your mind, nothing to justify.
The publisher reports 1,159 purchases of this title.
Chosen by Ernest McLeodClinical hypnotherapist. An Adelaide practice, seeing clients across Australia by video. Fourteen years in practice. About Ernest →
Is a recording a lesser version of seeing someone?
Not on the best evidence available. The largest recent review of hypnosis for pain (Yim and Derbyshire, 2026) compared how it was delivered and found no meaningful difference between a live clinician, a recording and self-hypnosis. That research was on pain, not on dealing with a narcissist, but it’s the best evidence there is that a recording isn’t a second-rate version of sitting in a room with someone.
Which of these were true this month?
- Your good news became their story inside two minutes
- You rehearsed what you would say on the drive over, and said none of it
- A compliment arrived with a hook in it, and you felt the hook later
- You apologised to end it, for something you are not sure you did
- You sat in the car outside for a minute before you went in
Three or more, and the steps and the session below were chosen for this. If they are a partner and any of it frightens you, go back to the box above.
Is this person actually a narcissist?
You can’t know from the outside, and neither can an online quiz. Narcissistic personality disorder is diagnosed in person by a psychiatrist or psychologist, who needs to find at least five of nine criteria, the Cleveland Clinic explains. It is also uncommon: a systematic review of community studies by Dhawan and colleagues put it at about 1 in 100 adults.
Everyone has some narcissistic traits; a diagnosis is about a lasting pattern. So this page talks about behaviour: self-centred, blaming, dismissive of your feelings, quick to take credit and quicker to hand out fault. You don’t need a diagnosis to decide you have had enough of how someone treats you.
What is a covert narcissist?
It is a popular name for the quieter version: self-centred, but anxious, thin-skinned, easily slighted and more withdrawn than showy. Researchers call it vulnerable narcissism, as against the grandiose kind, which is loud, entitled and domineering. Neither is a formal type. The Cleveland Clinic points out that the diagnostic manual doesn’t describe types of narcissism at all.
Reviews by Cain and colleagues (2008) and Miller and colleagues (2017) describe these two presentations, and Cain’s review notes that the diagnostic criteria lean towards the grandiose one, which is partly why the quieter version gets missed. The steps below are the same for both.
Why do you always end up defending yourself?
Because explaining feels fair, and with someone who needs to be right, each explanation is one more thing to find fault with. You defend, they correct the defence, and forty minutes later you are apologising for your own news. Nobody has measured this loop; it is a way of picturing the pattern, not a research finding.
Dealing with the NarcissistUS$18.95 · instant download · full refund within 90 days if it isn’t right.
Opens the publisher’s checkout in a new tab. Or keep reading — the free techniques below cost nothing.
What is the best way to handle a narcissist?
Stop trying to win the argument and start managing the contact. The Cleveland Clinic’s advice to families is to set boundaries, keep notes, look after your own mental health, and accept that you can’t change someone with the disorder. That advice comes from clinical experience, not trials; nobody has tested any strategy for dealing with a narcissistic person. The recording is a good place to practise these four.
- Write it down the same day
The date, what was said, who was there. The Cleveland Clinic suggests notes or a journal if you’ll need to be certain later about what you said or did. When someone insists a conversation never happened, a note from Tuesday beats your memory at midnight.
- Decide one limit before the phone rings
Decided while calm: the call ends at twenty minutes, your marriage is not up for discussion, you leave when the second bottle opens. Say it once, without an essay attached, then do it. Like the notes, it is clinical advice, untested.
- Rehearse one sentence until it bores you
“I see it differently, and I’m not going to argue about it.” Say it aloud in the car. In a 2023 review of assertiveness training by Chen and colleagues (9 studies, 804 people), nurses given assertive-communication training spoke up about medical errors more, SMD 0.58. A hospital ward is not a family lunch, but the skill can be practised.
- Try short, flat replies, as an experiment
“Grey rock”, answering briefly and without emotion so there is little to push against, is the internet’s favourite tactic. It is a popular idea with no research behind it: a PubMed search finds two papers, both 1980s anthropology about a Newfoundland fishing village. If going flat makes someone angrier or more frightening, that is a safety question.
Why does it wear you down so much?
Because it is a real load. A University of Wollongong study by Day and colleagues surveyed 683 partners, mothers and other relatives of someone with pathological narcissism. Their sense of burden scored more than 1.5 standard deviations above carers of people with mood or psychotic disorders, and 69% reached the threshold for depression. They volunteered, so it isn’t a prevalence figure, but the strain they describe is real.
If that reads like you, a GP appointment is worth making for its own sake.
What will ignoring a narcissist do?
Nobody knows, because nobody has studied it. There is no trial of no contact, low contact or ignoring someone narcissistic, so any confident prediction you read online is opinion. Many people choose to limit contact with a parent, sibling or old friend, and that is a legitimate choice. If ignoring them feels dangerous, that tells you something: ring 1800RESPECT.
What is in the Dealing with the Narcissist session?
One guided session of 25 minutes 17 seconds, narrated by Roger Elliott, made for repeated listening, with a short sample, a few minutes long, near the top of the page. The publisher built it for someone who lives or works with a self-focused, blaming person. It doesn’t try to change them. It is guided relaxation with rehearsal of staying detached from the blame and thinking clearly about your next step.
Dealing with the Narcissist
US$18.95About A$27 · one-off, no subscription.
- 25 minutes 17 seconds, narrated by Roger Elliott of Uncommon Knowledge
- Instant MP3 download to keep and replay as often as you like
- A free sample, a few minutes long, to hear the voice first
- For a self-centred, blaming relative, friend or colleague who doesn’t frighten you
Opens the publisher’s secure checkout · no account needed
What does listening feel like?
Mostly like being deeply relaxed with your eyes closed while a calm voice talks. You hear every word, you can stop it whenever you like, and you are in charge of what you do afterwards. If your attention wanders partway through, that’s fine. Never listen while driving or using machinery, and check with your doctor first if you have epilepsy.
The publisher reports 1,159 purchases of this title. That figure is self-reported and unaudited, and it counts purchases, not results.
What the research says
No controlled trial of hypnosis for coping with a narcissistic person exists. A PubMed search on 25 September 2026 pairing hypnosis with narcissism found six records, none of them a trial for the people around one. A separate search for “narcissistic abuse” found a single paper, a 2025 commentary by Ameen and colleagues, which notes the idea has “no standardized definition” and that “treatment studies are lacking”.
The nearest evidence is on everyday stress. In a 2020 German trial of 95 stressed adults, Fisch and colleagues found that five weekly group hypnosis sessions plus recordings for home use lowered self-rated stress more than a booklet did, a gap still there at 12 weeks. A booklet is a weak comparison, the authors teach hypnosis, and the recordings weren’t tested alone. A 2017 review of nine trials called the evidence “unclear”.
Who is this session wrong for?
Anyone the box at the top describes. And if this is a relationship you can’t leave and can’t mend, a counsellor who hears the whole story is the better next step: Relationships Australia, or a psychologist through your GP. It is also the wrong first step if:
- The person is a partner or ex and you are afraid of them, or of leaving.
- You are hoping it will change them. It is about your side only.
- It is a boss, and nobody who can act knows yet.
- Your mood has been low for weeks, or you have thought about not wanting to be here.
- You want to know whether they have a disorder. Only a clinician who sees them can say.
Free and confidential, open now. Tap to call.
Common questions about dealing with a narcissist
How do you deal with a narcissist?
Manage the contact rather than the person. Keep a dated record, decide one limit in advance and keep it, rehearse a short, calm sentence, and keep replies brief. Look after your own support. If it’s a partner or family member who frightens or controls you, that is abuse: ring 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.
How do you shut down a narcissist?
You can’t make someone stop, and arguing to win gives them more to argue with. Some people find short, calm replies that don’t explain or defend leave less to push against; that idea hasn’t been studied. Often the only reliable way to end it is to end the conversation: say you’re going, and go.
What is a covert narcissist?
A popular name for the quieter presentation: self-centred, but anxious, thin-skinned and withdrawn rather than showy. Researchers call it vulnerable narcissism, as opposed to grandiose. It isn’t a formal type, and the diagnostic manual doesn’t describe types of narcissism. Only a clinician can diagnose narcissistic personality disorder.
Can a narcissist change?
Nobody can promise it, and you can’t make it happen. A 2010 systematic review found no treatment studies for narcissistic personality disorder that met its criteria, and the Cleveland Clinic’s advice to families is that you can’t change someone with the disorder. What you can change is your contact, your limits and your support.
Is narcissistic abuse real?
The term has no standard definition and isn’t a diagnosis. What people describe under it, such as put-downs, manipulation, gaslighting and control, is recognised as psychological abuse, and support services take it seriously whatever you call it. If a partner or family member does this to you, ring 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, or text 0458 737 732.
Does hypnosis help you deal with a narcissist?
A recording gives you a structured, repeatable time to relax and rehearse staying steady and speaking plainly, which is how this session is meant to be used, beside the free steps. Whether hypnosis itself helps hasn’t been tested: there is no controlled trial for coping with a narcissistic person. The nearest trial was on general stress.
If this isn’t quite the person
- Difficult people, sortedEvery session by who the person is, starting with when to call 1800RESPECT
- The Passive AggressiveIf it is sulks, silences and “I’m fine” rather than blame
- Cope with BullyingIf it is a boss or colleague, and it keeps happening
- AssertivenessIf saying no is hard with everyone, not only with them
Where these numbers come from
- Yim TH, Derbyshire SWG. A systematic review of hypnosis for clinical pain relief. Eur J Pain. 2026;30(8):e70369. doi:10.1002/ejp.70369
- Cleveland Clinic. Narcissistic personality disorder [Internet]. [cited 2026 Sep 25]. my.clevelandclinic.org
- Dhawan N, Kunik ME, Oldham J, Coverdale J. Prevalence and treatment of narcissistic personality disorder in the community: a systematic review. Compr Psychiatry. 2010;51(4):333-9. doi:10.1016/j.comppsych.2009.09.003
- Cain NM, Pincus AL, Ansell EB. Narcissism at the crossroads: phenotypic description of pathological narcissism across clinical theory, social/personality psychology, and psychiatric diagnosis. Clin Psychol Rev. 2008;28(4):638-56. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2007.09.006
- Miller JD, Lynam DR, Hyatt CS, Campbell WK. Controversies in narcissism. Annu Rev Clin Psychol. 2017;13:291-315. doi:10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-032816-045244
- Chen HW, Wu JC, Kang YN, Chiu YJ, Hu SH. Assertive communication training for nurses to speak up in cases of medical errors: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Nurse Educ Today. 2023;126:105831. doi:10.1016/j.nedt.2023.105831
- Day NJS, Bourke ME, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS. Pathological narcissism: a study of burden on partners and family. J Pers Disord. 2020;34(6):799-813. doi:10.1521/pedi_2019_33_413
- Ameen S, Chandran S, Chatterjee R, Chatterjee S, Sarkhel S. Narcissistic abuse cycle deserves clinical and research attention. Indian J Psychol Med. 2025. doi:10.1177/02537176251406477
- Fisch S, Trivaković-Thiel S, Roll S, et al. Group hypnosis for stress reduction and improved stress coping: a multicenter randomized controlled trial. BMC Complement Med Ther. 2020;20(1):344. doi:10.1186/s12906-020-03129-6
- Fisch S, Brinkhaus B, Teut M. Hypnosis in patients with perceived stress: a systematic review. BMC Complement Altern Med. 2017;17(1):323. doi:10.1186/s12906-017-1806-0
- 1800RESPECT. Domestic and family violence [Internet]. [cited 2026 Sep 25]. 1800respect.org.au
- 1800RESPECT. Psychological abuse [Internet]. [cited 2026 Sep 25]. 1800respect.org.au
- NSW Government. Coercive control and the law [Internet]. [cited 2026 Sep 25]. nsw.gov.au
- Fair Work Commission. How we help stop workplace bullying [Internet]. [cited 2026 Sep 25]. fwc.gov.au
Ernest McLeod — clinical hypnotherapist. An Adelaide practice, seeing clients across Australia by video. Fourteen years in practice.
- ICHP
- FELLOW, ASCH
- IICT MEMBER
For this page I wanted a session about your side of the conversation, and I left the diagnosing to people who can see the other person in front of them. More →
Twenty-five minutes for your side of the conversation
Write down today’s conversation before bed. For a regular time to rehearse the sentence and the limit, the session runs twenty-five minutes; hear the sample first, and you have 90 days to decide.
US$18.95Instant download · 90-day refund · about A$27
Results vary from person to person, and hypnosis does not replace medical care or treatment. Self-help audio, not a diagnosis of anyone, a substitute for professional care or a response to abuse. If someone frightens or controls you: 1800RESPECT, 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732; in danger, 000. Never listen while driving.